Late Diagnosis: Discovering You Are Autistic or ADHD as an Adult

For many adults, discovering that you are autistic or have ADHD later in life can feel like both a homecoming and an earthquake. It’s a moment of profound recognition – of finally understanding yourself in a way that makes sense, yet it can also bring grief, confusion and a re-evaluation of the life you’ve lived through a neurotypical lens.

For some, the late ADHD or Autism diagnosis comes after years of feeling “different,” masking and striving to keep up in a world that never seemed to match your pace, rhythm, or sensitivities. For others, it follows a child’s diagnosis – where a parent recognises themselves in the process of advocating for their child. Whatever the path, the realisation often brings both relief and pain in equal measure. Finally, your experiences of feeling misunderstood , overworking or retreating back into yourself make sense.

For many parents, supporting an autistic child becomes not only an act of advocacy, but also a mirror. In learning to understand their child’s inner world, they begin to recognise their own sensory sensitivities, emotional rhythms, and lifelong patterns of masking or misunderstanding.

If you are a parent navigating this journey, you may find support and perspective in Supporting Autistic Children: A Gestalt Therapy Approach for Parents, which explores how shifting from an “outside-in” to an “inside-out” understanding can help autistic children – and families – feel safer, more connected, and more understood.

The Polarity of Pain and Liberation

There is a deep liberation in knowing. Understanding that your brain simply works differently – that it was never broken, lazy or too sensitive . The compassion that begins to grow for the younger versions of yourself can be transformative. You begin to see that the “too much” or “not enough” labels simply weren’t true.

Yet alongside the new awareness , grief often arrives. Grief for the years of self-doubt and exhaustion. Grief for the opportunities missed or for the person you thought you “should” have been. Many people describe this period as disorienting – a re-mapping of identity. You may find that you can no longer do all the things you used to or at least not in the same way. The capacity that came from masking, pushing through or over-performing may no longer be sustainable once awareness arrives.

Often with new awareness, comes heightened sensitivity. You might notice that lights feel harsher, sounds more intrusive, fabrics more uncomfortable or social settings more draining. These experiences were likely always present, however your body and mind, now unmasked and more attuned are finally being heard.

For many late-diagnosed autistic and ADHD adults, unmasking can also shift social dynamics in unexpected ways. Being more authentic, direct, or less able to perform neurotypical expectations can sometimes lead to misunderstanding, withdrawal, or sudden social rupture - experiences that can feel shocking and deeply destabilising.

This is explored further in Cancel Culture and the Autistic Experience: Understanding Social Rupture and Finding a Path to Repair, which looks at why autistic people are disproportionately affected by social exclusion and how to begin regulating and healing after these experiences.

Understanding Co-Occurring Conditions in Autistic and ADHD Late Diagnosis

Awareness of co-occurring conditions may also unfold after your initial diagnosis .

Many autistic and ADHDer's live with other neurodivergent experiences, including:

• Dyslexia – difficulties with reading, spelling, or word processing

• Dyscalculia – challenges with numbers or spatial reasoning

• Dysgraphia – difficulties with handwriting or written expression

• Disordered eating – often linked to sensory sensitivities or emotional regulation

• OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder) – rigid thinking or routines developed as coping mechanisms

Recognising these overlapping experiences can be another piece of the puzzle, another way of understanding how uniquely your brain and body navigate the world.

Autism and ADHD Support Through Gestalt Psychotherapy

In my work at Pella Wellness, I walk alongside late diagnosed autistic and ADHD adults as they begin the process of discovery and adjustment. My practice is grounded in Gestalt Psychotherapy, a holistic and relational approach that emphasises awareness, self-acceptance and authentic connection.

Gestalt invites us to stay with what is present – sensations, emotions, and embodied experiences are acknowledged with compassion and curiosity. This creates a space where understanding and support can emerge naturally.

Together, we explore what it means to live authentically in a neurotypical world that often misunderstands difference. This work is not about fixing – it’s about understanding. It’s about creating compassionate space to unmask safely and to develop self-support strategies that honour your nervous system.

Sessions invite awareness , compassion and an opportunity to be truly seen , heard and understood. Our sessions might include exploring sensory sensitivities, unlearning internalised shame or finding new ways to approach relationships, work and daily living. We also look at how the world can be adapted to you, not just how you can adapt to it.

Coming Home to Yourself

Being late diagnosed can feel like starting over, but it’s also a powerful act of self-acceptance. It’s an invitation to come home to yourself with kindness, to acknowledge that your differences are not flaws but integral parts of your being.

It’s okay to need more rest. It’s okay to say no to what overwhelms you. And it’s okay to feel both sorrow and joy in this process. Because both are true: Pain and liberation can sit side by side as can joy and sorrow.

You are not broken – you are becoming closer to yourself.

About Pella Wellness

At Pella Wellness, I offer Gestalt Psychotherapy and counselling for people of all ages, with a special focus on neurodivergent individuals – including those who are late-diagnosed or self-identified as autistic or ADHD. My approach is warm, trauma-informed, and collaborative, creating a safe space for exploration, healing, and growth.

Together, we work towards understanding your unique way of being in the world and finding practical, compassionate ways to support your well-being.

If you are looking for a neuro-affirming space to understand yourself, Pella Wellness offers individual Gestalt therapy to support your growth and journey to wellness .

If this article resonates with you or someone you know, you are warmly invited to connect and begin the journey of rediscovery and self-understanding.