Cancel Culture and the Autistic Experience: Understanding Social Rupture and Finding a Path to Repair

Cancel culture has become a familiar concept in modern life. It refers to moments when someone is suddenly excluded, criticised, blocked, or socially cut off - sometimes publicly, often privately. It can happen in friendship circles, workplaces, online communities, family systems and even within support spaces. For many people, these experiences are painful and destabilising. But for autistic people, the impact can be deeper, more confusing and far more overwhelming.

This blog explores why cancel culture disproportionately affects autistic individuals, what is happening internally during that experience and how someone can begin to heal, regulate, and move forward after feeling cancelled , especially when they don’t fully understand why it happened.

This piece is written from a trauma-informed, neurodiversity-affirming perspective, and aims to bring clarity, compassion, and grounding to a topic that can feel very raw.

What Is Cancel Culture Really About?

Although the term “cancel culture” often refers to public events - celebrities being called out online, the personal version happens quietly, in everyday life. It might look like:

• being suddenly removed from a group chat

• friends closing ranks without explanation

• colleagues distancing themselves overnight

• a community shifting from inclusion to silence

• being blocked on social media with no context

• invitations suddenly stopping

• a subtle but undeniable withdrawal of warmth

• a friend blocking/ghosting you

Cancel culture is essentially a rupture without repair.

Something has gone wrong or been perceived as wrong, but instead of open communication, curiosity or dialogue, the relationship is severed. For many neurotypical people, this is painful but somewhat comprehensible - they might mentally trace back the social situation and have a rough sense of what triggered it.

For autistic people, the experience can feel like falling through a trapdoor with no warning.

Why Autistic People Are More Vulnerable to Being “Cancelled”

Autistic individuals often navigate the world with a different communication profile and a different emotional rhythm. Social interactions that rely heavily on unspoken expectations, ambiguous cues, subtle tone shifts or implied meanings can be difficult to interpret.

This means an autistic person might unknowingly:

• miss a hidden emotional cue

• respond literally rather than socially

• interpret statements differently to how they were intended

• speak honestly in a culture that prioritises diplomacy

• prioritise clarity over social smoothing

• ask direct questions others avoid

• misjudge the level of formality in a situation

Many misunderstandings arise not from malice or disrespect, but from different neurotypes reading the same moment in completely different ways.

Because of this, autistic people may be cancelled for reasons that feel invisible, illogical, or completely unknown to them. The social “rule” they broke may have never been spoken, hinted at or clarified. Often, they were never given a chance to repair or explain.

The Emotional Reality of Being Cancelled When You’re Autistic

For a neurotypical person, being excluded might register as rejection or embarrassment.

For an autistic person, the nervous system response can be extreme. Many autistic individuals have a long history of misunderstanding, miscommunication and unintentional social errors.

When cancellation happens, it can tap into:

• lifelong feelings of “not fitting in”

• memories of being bullied or excluded

• confusion around social rules

• fear of unintentional harm

• shame from past misunderstandings

• trauma from masking for survival

• hypervigilance about belonging

A social rupture without explanation can be interpreted as:

“I’ve done something awful.”

“People secretly hate me.”

“I’m not safe anywhere.”

“I can’t trust my perception of interactions.”

“I am fundamentally flawed “

The pain is not just emotional - it is physical.

A sudden rejection can trigger:

• shutdown

• overwhelm

• spiralling thoughts

• insomnia

• hyperarousal

• loss of appetite

• nausea

• dissociation

• panic

The nervous system, already working hard to interpret and filter social information, goes into a state of survival. Polyvagal theory helps us understand this: the vagus nerve registers social disconnection as a literal threat to safety. Without explanation or repair, the body reacts intensely.

When You Don’t Know What You Did Wrong

One of the most painful parts of being cancelled is the absence of information. For autistic people, clarity is grounding. Understanding the cause-and-effect of a situation brings stability.

When clarity is replaced with silence, the mind goes into overdrive.

You might replay every conversation, every facial expression, every message. You may hyper-analyse things you said, trying to search for a mistake you never consciously made. This can lead to:

• self-blame

• catastrophising

• assuming the worst

• withdrawing socially

• apologising excessively

• masking even more

• losing trust in others

• losing trust in yourself

It is important to remember:

Not understanding does not mean you did something terrible.

Silence from others is not evidence that you have done anything wrong.

Different neurotypes often misread each other’s intentions.

Sometimes the rupture was not your fault at all.

Many autistic individuals have been conditioned to assume responsibility for every social breakdown. But relationships are systems and systems break down for many reasons.

The Social Dynamics Behind Cancel Culture

While it may feel very personal, cancellation is often a group behaviour that emerges when:

• people avoid conflict

• direct communication feels uncomfortable

• assumptions spread faster than clarity

• one person’s emotional reaction becomes the group narrative

• friends act out of loyalty rather than truth

• discomfort is handled through withdrawal instead of repair

Neurotypical norms often value harmony over honesty. Instead of saying, “Hey, can we talk about this?” people pull away quietly. For someone who communicates more directly, literally or openly, this silence can feel like punishment.

In some cases, the autistic person has not caused harm at all. Instead, others may have:

• misinterpreted tone

• projected their own feelings

• felt confronted by honesty

• misread a literal communication style

• reacted based on second-hand information

• lacked the emotional skill to initiate a dialogue

Understanding this does not minimise hurt  but it does help release the weight of unnecessary self-blame.

How to Support Yourself After Being Cancelled

1. Pause and regulate your nervous system.

Before analysing the situation, give your body time to settle. Gentle somatic practices can help:

• deep breathing

• grounding through sensation

• walking or movement

• weighted blankets

• swinging, pacing, or rocking

• soft sensory input

Your safety comes first.

2. Seek clarity if it feels safe.

Not to apologise excessively or take on responsibility, but to simply understand. A short message such as:

“I’m feeling confused about what happened. If you’re open to sharing, I would appreciate clarity so I can better understand.”

Sometimes you get a response. Sometimes you don’t. The goal is not to force reconciliation, but to honour your need for information.

3. Challenge catastrophic thinking.

Your brain might be filling in the silence with the worst possible explanation. Ask yourself:

• “What evidence do I have for this assumption?”

• “Is it possible they misunderstood me?”

• “Could something else be happening that has nothing to do with me?”

• “Does this relationship have a history of clear communication?”

• “Am I assuming blame because that’s what I’ve been conditioned to do?”

Often, other people’s silence reflects their own limitations.

4. Anchor back into safe relationships.

Talk to someone who understands you: a trusted friend, a family member or a therapist. Regulation happens in connection.

Being cancelled can feel like your world is shrinking and often hurts deeply .  Reach toward people who help you feel grounded.

5. Reflect gently - without self-attack.

If you sense something did go wrong, approach it with curiosity:

• “What was my intention at the time?”

• “Is this a pattern worth exploring?”

• “Was this a neurotype clash rather than harm?”

• “What would I do differently with support?”

Reflection is empowering. Rumination is punishment. Choose kindness.

6. Rebuild your social self-trust.

Being cancelled can fracture your confidence, but this fracture can be repaired.

Slowly re-engage with people who value clear communication. Surround yourself with those who appreciate your authenticity, not those who punish it.

Your way of being is not wrong, it is simply different.

The Need for Neurodiversity-Affirming Communities

Cancel culture thrives where there is:

• little emotional tolerance

• minimal curiosity

• perfectionism

• fear of conflict

• prioritisation of group loyalty over truth

Neurodivergent individuals need environments where differences in communication are understood rather than pathologised. Spaces where honesty is welcomed, not punished. Communities where repair is valued over rejection.

Therapy can be a powerful place to process these experiences. In a trauma-informed and neuro-affirming therapeutic space, you can:

• learn to regulate the nervous system

• understand the social rupture

• explore any layers of shame or confusion

• rebuild your confidence

• unmask safely

• learn tools to interpret communication differences

• find language for future boundaries

• reconnect with your authentic self

You deserve clarity, compassion, and connection not silent punishment.

You Are Not Alone, and You Are Not Broken

If you have been cancelled, especially if you still don’t understand why, please hold this close:

You are not defective. You are not too much.

You did not deserve silence.

You deserve explanation, repair, and kindness.

Your neurodivergent communication style is not a flaw , it is part of your brilliance. And you have every right to exist fully, authentically, and safely in relationships.

There are people who will value your honesty, your depth, your sincerity, and your way of seeing the world. There are communities that communicate clearly, repair openly, and embrace difference.

Cancellation is not the end of your story.

Connection, real, grounded, respectful connection is possible, and it is waiting for you.

If this experience has resonated for you, you don’t have to navigate it alone.

At Pella Wellness, we offer trauma-informed, neurodiversity-affirming therapy that honours your nervous system, your communication style, and your lived experience. We work slowly and respectfully, helping you make sense of social ruptures, regulate after relational shock, and rebuild trust in yourself and others.

If you’d like support in processing cancellation, rejection, or ongoing social confusion - or if you simply want a space where clarity, compassion, and repair are possible - you’re warmly invited to get in touch. Connection begins with being understood.