Narcissistic Abuse in Relationships, Workplaces, and Social Settings

Narcissistic abuse is perhaps most commonly associated with romantic relationships, where its toxic effects are deeply felt. However, it’s important to recognize that this form of emotional manipulation can occur in many other contexts as well, like the workplace, social circles, and within families. Whether it happens between partners, colleagues, friends, or family members, narcissistic abuse follows similar patterns of control, manipulation, and psychological harm.

What Narcissistic Abuse Looks Like in Romantic Relationships

In romantic relationships, narcissistic abuse feels like a whirlwind of emotions. The narcissistic partner begins by love-bombing—showering the victim with affection, attention, and compliments—only to later devalue them through criticism, manipulation, and control.

Some signs of narcissistic abuse in a romantic relationship include:

Gaslighting: The narcissist makes you question your memory, perceptions, and experiences, often making you feel like you’re overreacting or misinterpreting their actions.

Emotional Roller Coaster: Narcissistic partners frequently alternate between being loving and distant, creating confusion and dependency.

Manipulation: They use guilt, fear, or threats of abandonment to control their partner’s actions and thoughts, leaving the victim feeling like they are walking on eggshells.

Control Over Time and Freedom: The narcissist slowly isolates you from friends, family, and activities that give you joy, increasing your reliance on them for validation.

The Emotional Toll of Narcissistic Abuse in LGBTIQA+ Relationships

Narcissistic abuse in LGBTIQA+ relationships can be particularly harmful due to the unique challenges that LGBTIQA+ individuals already face in society. Narcissists in these relationships often exploit their partner’s vulnerabilities, such as their identity struggles, fear of rejection, or past experiences of discrimination. This makes it easier for the abuser to manipulate their partner’s emotions and maintain control.

In LGBTIQA+ relationships, narcissistic abuse manifests in distinct ways:

Exploiting Identity and Insecurities: Narcissistic partners may use their partner’s sexual orientation or gender identity as a tool for manipulation. They might invalidate their partner’s feelings, shame them for being open about their identity, or even accuse them of not being “authentic” enough. This can deepen the partner’s feelings of self-doubt and insecurity.

Fear of Outing or Public Shaming: In some cases, the narcissistic partner might threaten to "out" their partner to family, friends, or coworkers if they haven’t yet come out. This type of emotional blackmail puts enormous pressure on the victim, leaving them feeling trapped and controlled.

Isolation from Community: Narcissists often isolate their partners from friends and support systems. In LGBTIQA+ relationships, this may include cutting the victim off from affirming spaces or groups that could offer support and acceptance. The victim might feel even more alone, unable to seek help from the community they need most.

Reinforcing Societal Stigma: Narcissists prey on the internalised stigma or shame that some LGBTIQA+ individuals carry due to societal rejection. They might weaponize homophobia or transphobia to make the victim feel even more isolated, reinforcing the idea that no one else will accept them or love them.

Narcissistic Abuse and Marginalized groups: Navigating Multiple Layers of Oppression

For marginalized & diverse groups, narcissistic abuse can be particularly complex and damaging due to the intersection of racial, cultural, and societal pressures. The emotional manipulation and control inherent in narcissistic abuse often compound the external challenges that people of colour face, such as systemic racism, microaggressions, and discrimination. This unique intersection of identity and abuse results in deep psychological harm, as victims are left battling both personal and societal forms of oppression.

How Narcissistic Abuse Affects Marginalized Groups:

In relationships, whether romantic, familial, or professional, narcissistic abusers may exploit the specific vulnerabilities tied to race or ethnicity. Some ways this may manifest include:

Cultural Manipulation: Narcissists use cultural stereotypes or biases against their partner, family member or victim, belittling their cultural background or shaming them for aspects of their identity. This can make the victim feel inferior or disconnected from their culture.

Racial Gaslighting: Narcissistic abusers downplay or dismiss experiences of racism, causing victims to question their reality and experiences of discrimination. This can be especially damaging for people of colour who already face invalidation from society.

Reinforcement of Societal Inequities: In some cases, narcissistic abusers may align with societal prejudices, making victims feel as though their racial identity is a barrier to love, success, or belonging. This leads to internalised racism or feelings of worthlessness, as the victim feels trapped by both the relationship and societal structures.

Narcissistic Abuse in the Workplace

Narcissistic abuse isn’t just limited to romantic settings—it can also thrive in professional environments. A narcissistic boss or colleague manipulates, undermines, or belittles others in order to maintain power and control.

In the workplace, narcissists:

Take credit for others' work: A narcissistic boss or colleague often elevates themselves at the expense of their peers or subordinates, taking credit for achievements that aren't theirs to own.

Undermine colleagues: They can spread rumours, manipulate information, or gaslight co-workers, creating a toxic, stressful work environment.

Demand excessive attention: Narcissistic leaders or colleagues make unreasonable demands, requiring others to drop everything to cater to their needs, leaving the victim feeling devalued or disrespected.

Bullying and Harassment: Subtle or overt emotional bullying and harassment occurs when the narcissist seeks to exert dominance over others.

Victims of workplace narcissistic abuse often find themselves doubting their abilities, experiencing chronic stress, and facing burnout due to the constant emotional strain.

Social Situations and Narcissistic Abuse

Even in social groups, narcissistic abuse wreaks havoc. A narcissistic friend or acquaintance can dominate conversations, belittle others, or manipulate group dynamics to maintain control and attention.

Some common patterns in social contexts include:

Attention-seeking: Narcissists crave admiration and attention, at the expense of others. They might tell exaggerated stories, downplay others’ achievements, or monopolise social gatherings.

Manipulation and Control: Narcissistic individuals may use friendships as a way to control or manipulate the social group, creating drama and turning people against each other to maintain their own power.

Emotional Exploitation: Narcissistic friends may exploit others' vulnerabilities, only showing empathy when it serves their own interests.

The Emotional Toll

Whether experienced in a relationship, the workplace, or socially, narcissistic abuse takes an immense emotional toll. Victims experience:

Self-doubt: Constant manipulation and gaslighting erodes self-confidence, leaving victims feeling uncertain about their worth and capabilities.

Chronic Stress and Anxiety: Victims feel on edge, anxious about their interactions with the narcissist, never knowing when the next emotional blow will come.

Feelings of Isolation: Narcissists isolate their victims from friends, family, or colleagues, making them feel alone and trapped.

Depression: The constant emotional manipulation leads to deep feelings of hopelessness and depression, as victims struggle to break free from the abuse.

How can I help myself?

Amanda, a Gestalt psychotherapist & neuro affirming practitioner, specialises in helping people who have experienced narcissistic abuse in romantic relationships, work environments, and social contexts. With years of experience in understanding the complexities of emotional manipulation, Amanda provides a safe and non-judgmental space where survivors can begin to reclaim their sense of self.

Amanda's approach is rooted in Gestalt therapy, a human-centred therapeutic method that empowers individuals to take ownership of their experiences in the present moment. Rather than being viewed as the expert on the client’s life, Amanda will sit across the room as another human being, fully empathetic to the struggles they’ve faced. This compassionate stance helps clients rebuild the self-esteem and autonomy that narcissistic abuse strips away.

Additionally, Amanda integrates polyvagal techniques to help clients regulate their nervous systems, which can become dysregulated by ongoing trauma and emotional manipulation. Clients can take these techniques home and use them outside therapy. Through breathing exercises, grounding techniques, and mindful body awareness, clients can shift from states of anxiety or shutdown to a place of safety and connection. These methods, combined with Gestalt therapy, give survivors the tools they need to reconnect with their inner resilience and regain control over their emotional well-being.

At Pella Wellness, Amanda works closely with clients to:

Recognize patterns of abuse: Helping clients identify the subtle and overt tactics of narcissistic abuse empowers you to regain clarity and understand your experiences more fully.

Process emotions safely: Survivors of narcissistic abuse often feel overwhelmed by emotions like anger, sadness and confusion. Gestalt techniques help you process these valid emotions and move forward in a healthy way.

Rebuild self-esteem: One of the most devastating effects of narcissistic abuse is the loss of self-worth. Therapy can help you reconnect with your authentic self, regain confidence, and trust your own perceptions and instincts.

How Gestalt Therapy and Polyvagal Techniques Help Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse

Gestalt therapy focuses on the present moment and personal responsibility. This can help survivors of narcissistic abuse reconnect with their thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations, allowing them to break free from the trauma of their past and move toward emotional healing. By integrating polyvagal techniques, which can regulate the nervous system, survivors can access a greater sense of safety and resilience during their healing journey.

Key ways Gestalt therapy, combined with polyvagal techniques, supports recovery from narcissistic abuse include:

Fostering self-awareness: Gestalt therapy emphasises becoming aware of one's own needs, emotions and boundaries. Gestalt therapy focuses on actions, behaviours, and choices. This helps you recognise when your sense of self has been distorted by narcissistic manipulation. Through polyvagal techniques like mindful breathing and grounding exercises, clients are able to self-regulate and stay connected to their body’s signals during this process of awareness.

Empowering autonomy: By encouraging clients to take responsibility for their present feelings and actions, Gestalt therapy helps them regain control over their lives, no longer allowing the abuser to dictate their sense of worth. Combined with polyvagal practices, such as safe social engagement exercises, clients can develop stronger boundaries and self-esteem, creating a healthier sense of autonomy.

Creating a safe space for emotional exploration: Many survivors of narcissistic abuse feel unsafe expressing their true emotions. In Gestalt therapy, clients are encouraged to fully experience their emotions without judgement, leading to deeper self-understanding and healing. Integrating polyvagal techniques, such as deep breathing or vocalisation, helps soothe the nervous system, allowing clients to feel more secure while processing difficult emotions. This creates a supportive environment for deeper self-understanding and healing.

Together, Gestalt therapy and polyvagal techniques provide a holistic approach to healing, helping survivors rebuild their self-worth, regulate their nervous systems, and move forward with a renewed sense of empowerment.

Steps Toward Healing and Empowerment

Surviving narcissistic abuse is a journey, but with the right support, it's possible to heal and rebuild.

Here are the key steps moving forward: 

Recognize the abuse: Understanding that what you've experienced is narcissistic abuse is the first step toward breaking free.

Set boundaries: Whether it's a partner, boss, or friend, establishing clear boundaries is essential for protecting your emotional well-being.

Seek professional support: Therapy, especially Gestalt therapy, provides a powerful foundation for healing. A therapist like Amanda at Pella Wellness can guide you through this process with empathy and care.

Reconnect with yourself: Rebuilding self-worth is essential. Gestalt therapy helps you reconnect with your authentic self, reclaiming the identity that was lost or distorted through narcissistic abuse.

Narcissistic abuse can affect every aspect of life, from romantic relationships to professional environments and social circles. The emotional impact is profound, leaving victims feeling lost, broken, and disconnected. However, with the right support, healing is possible. Amanda at Pella Wellness offers compassionate and specialised care through Gestalt therapy, providing survivors the tools they need to reclaim their lives, rebuild their self-esteem, and move forward with strength and clarity.

If you or someone you know is struggling with narcissistic abuse, reaching out to Pella Wellness can be a transformative step in the journey toward healing.