I can't believe my child is starting school - Navigating Parental Anxiety as Your Child Begins Their School Journey: A Guide for Parents

As parents, one of the most profound moments of our lives is watching our little ones take their first steps into the world of formal education. Whether it’s their first day of kindergarten or their transition to a new school, these milestones often trigger a complex mix of emotions—pride, excitement, nostalgia and, for many, a hefty dose of anxiety.

It’s not uncommon for parents, especially those who are highly attuned to their children’s well-being, to feel anxious when sending their child off to school. You may find yourself questioning if they’re ready, wondering if they’ll thrive, or grappling with the uncertainty of how they’ll handle the new social and academic pressures. You may also feel the weight of the expectations that come with the desire to provide the very best for your child, all while navigating the often-overwhelming unknowns of this new chapter.

In this blog, I want to address the anxiety that often comes with your child beginning their school journey. 

1. Recognize and Validate Your Anxiety

First and foremost, it’s important to acknowledge that your anxiety is normal. As a parent, you’ve been your child’s primary source of support and safety for their entire life. The thought of entrusting them to a new environment, with new people and unknown challenges, naturally stirs up feelings of vulnerability. This is completely human and doesn’t make you a "bad" parent—it simply reflects how deeply you care.

Polyvagal theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, suggests that our nervous systems are deeply influenced by our perceptions of safety. If we sense that our child may be in an unfamiliar or potentially unsafe situation, our own nervous system responds by triggering the fight, flight, or freeze reactions. This heightened state of arousal is our body's attempt to protect and prepare us for what feels like a threat.

The first step is to tune in to your own body and emotional state. Are you feeling restless, tense, or overwhelmed? Take a moment to ground yourself. Slow your breath. Allow yourself to simply be with your emotions without judgment. The more we can acknowledge our anxiety without shaming ourselves for it, the easier it becomes to manage and channel it into productive actions.

2. Set Realistic Expectations for Your Child’s Transition

It’s natural to want the best for your child. You want them to feel confident, make new friends, excel in their studies and feel comfortable in their new environment. But sometimes, this desire for success can lead to unrealistic expectations—either for your child or for yourself. The truth is, starting school is a big transition and it’s going to come with challenges for both you and your little one.

Children’s emotional and social development is unique and each child experiences transitions differently. Some may feel confident and eager to explore, while others may be more hesitant or cling to the familiar. As parents, it’s essential to have realistic expectations about the adjustment period. It might take time for your child to find their rhythm, establish new friendships and adjust to a structured environment.

Polyvagal theory underscores the importance of feeling safe and supported as we navigate stress. For children, this sense of safety often comes from knowing their parents understand and accept their feelings. If your child is feeling nervous or upset about school, offering empathy rather than immediate solutions can help them feel more secure. Remember that every child’s journey is different and it’s perfectly okay if it takes a little time for your child to adjust.

For yourself, it's important to manage expectations around the transition. You may not have a perfect school drop-off, and it’s likely that there will be moments of uncertainty. Be gentle with yourself and remind yourself that this is a gradual process for everyone involved.

3. The Role of Co-Regulation in Your Child’s Transition

One of the most powerful tools you have as a parent is co-regulation—the ability to help your child regulate their emotional state by remaining calm and present yourself. This principle, central to both Gestalt therapy and polyvagal theory, suggests that children’s nervous systems are profoundly influenced by the emotional states of their caregivers.

When you’re feeling anxious, your child is likely to pick up on that energy. If you’re calm, grounded and emotionally attuned to them, it can help co-regulate their nervous system and foster a sense of security. This doesn’t mean suppressing your own feelings, but rather learning how to navigate your anxiety in a way that doesn’t overwhelm your child.

Before drop-off, take a few deep breaths. If you’re feeling tense, try to centre yourself by focusing on your body, your breath or a grounding practice. You can model emotional regulation for your child by showing them that it’s okay to feel anxious but that we have tools to manage it. Statements like, “I understand you might feel nervous, I’m here with you,” can help your child feel seen and supported.

If your child is struggling with the transition, a few extra moments of connection, like holding their hand or offering a gentle hug, can provide the security they need to feel more at ease in their new environment.

4. Trust the Process and Lean into the Uncertainty

The school journey, like all big transitions in life, is filled with uncertainty. No matter how much we try to plan or prepare, we can’t predict every outcome. As a parent, this uncertainty can feel unsettling, especially if you have a tendency to want to control every detail of the experience to ensure it goes smoothly.

Polyvagal theory teaches us that true emotional resilience comes from flexibility—the ability to adapt to shifting situations and challenges. This flexibility comes from feeling safe in the face of uncertainty. When we trust that we are equipped to handle whatever comes our way, we build emotional strength for both ourselves and our children.

Rather than trying to control every aspect of your child’s transition, focus on creating a stable emotional environment at home. Let your child know that you believe in their ability to navigate challenges, even if they feel unsure or overwhelmed at times. Reassure them that it’s okay to feel nervous and that things will get easier as they adjust.

As a parent, embracing the uncertainty of your child’s school journey can help you feel more grounded. Yes, there will be bumps along the way—but you and your child have the resilience to navigate them together.

5. Self-Care and Support for Parents

Amidst supporting your child’s transition, it’s essential that you also care for yourself. High parental anxiety can be exhausting and it’s easy to get swept up in your child’s emotional world. But self-care isn’t just a luxury—it’s a necessity for your well-being and the well-being of your family.

Make time for activities that help you decompress and reset—whether it’s a quiet moment with a cup of tea, exercise, a walk in nature, or connecting with a supportive friend. Seek professional support if you feel your anxiety is overwhelming or persistent. The right therapist can help you explore the underlying emotions and beliefs that may be fuelling your anxiety and develop strategies for managing stress in a more mindful, compassionate way.

The  anxiety that comes with sending your child off to school for the first time reflects your deep care and commitment to them. By acknowledging your feelings, setting realistic expectations, practicing co-regulation and embracing the uncertainty of the transition, you can support both yourself and your child in this exciting and sometimes challenging time. 

Remember: Billions of people have gone before you in the parenting and educational journey you’ve got this!